Okay, let’s be honest. Finances matter in a marriage.
Very few horrible marriages build wealth. And very few people that are horrible with money have a healthy marriage.
Money and marriage are inevitably tied together. Which explains why it’s the biggest reason for divorce.
If you are married or plan to get married in the future, please take the time to read through the five reasons why you need to combine your finances.
If you have a VERY hard head (like me) and are completely set on having separate finances; PLEASE read this with an open mind. I am so glad that I decided to give combining finances a chance with my husband. It has been the best thing for our marriage.
Below are the five reasons why married couples need to combine finances:
Teamwork = Shared Goals = Shared Values
When you decide to marry the love of your life, you are deciding to be on a TEAM with your spouse. And we all know that there is no I in team.
So, that means you can’t just run off and do your own thing anymore because you’re married… That is how marriage works – you do it together!
Combining your finances forces you to combine your goals and your value system. Combining finances forces you to say,
“WE have a goal of paying off OUR debt.”
“WE have a goal of saving for OUR dream home.”
“WE have a goal of spending money on XYZ as a COUPLE.”
Or
“WE value generosity.”
“WE value investing.”
“WE value saving.”
Or
“My spouse values this, and I love my spouse, and I value them spending money on that thing.”
You can accomplish way more when you work TOGETHER!
The mistake a lot of people make today is thinking that you can live this life of independence with your roommate. Yes, I say roommate because that’s how you treat your spouse when your finances are not combined. And that is not a marriage.
Unfortunately, when people don’t want to combine bank accounts –
There is a level of control that people want to keep,
A level of trust that they don’t have with their spouse,
And a level of independence over teamwork.
Sadly, these reasons typically create other problems within marriages.
You can’t live two separate lives financially and expect to have a healthy marriage.
So, please be vulnerable with your spouse, give up that control, build that trust, and put teamwork above being independent!
Open Communication & Transparency About Finances
Okay, so we all know that communication is key.
If you’re married, you are probably aware of the fact that your spouse cannot read your mind.
They don’t know how you’re feeling if you don’t tell them.
They don’t know that you’re expecting them to take out the trash if you don’t tell them.
You can’t expect things to just happen and fall into place if you don’t openly communicate and plan for what you want.
When you combine finances with your spouse, it encourages honest communication and is a way for you to work towards resolutions together.
Because if you don’t, you’ll mess up your joint account and potentially overdraft.
The only way you can run a joint account is TOGETHER. By talking about it TOGETHER and making a planned budget TOGETHER.
Healthy money communication leads to healthy marriage communication.
It helps you learn how to communicate and plan on other aspects of your marriage. Like making a chore plan with your spouse, so your spouse KNOWS they need to take out the trash. Instead of you just thinking it.
You can’t avoid communicating about money issues in a marriage, because then it snowballs into avoiding other issues within your marriage.
If you don’t want to talk about money with your spouse because it always turns into a fight. Then you need to tackle that head-on instead of avoiding the topic.
You and your spouse need to figure out a way to communicate about money without it turning into a fight. It may take some time, and yeah, it’s going to require a lot of effort from both of you. But it will 100% be worth it in the end.
Marriage avoidance is NOT a technique. Buried problems always find their way back into your marriage!
Another reason why people don’t want to combine finances is because they fear that they will lose their voice or their freedom to spend. You do not lose your voice or your freedom when you combine finances. You communicate and build a plan that works for what BOTH of you want. Both of you have a voice!
Keeping Finances Simple
Who doesn’t love simplicity?
Budgeting and finances are already complicated enough. So, let’s avoid making it harder than it needs to be.
Combining finances lessens the work it takes to manage your finances. There are typically fewer accounts to manage, which decreases the risk of errors and fees accompanying them.
While we’re on the topic, let’s talk about what a pain in the butt it is to nickel and dime everything when you have separate finances. Can you imagine all of the possibilities of how people with separate finances live?
You have the first option of splitting everything 50/50. Every month (or more often) you have to not only balance all of your individual finances, but also the shared bills. Then provide your partner their share of the shared bills. Then your partner balances their own individual set of finances.
Then you run into issues when your spouse has a lifestyle change. Let’s use COVID for example, and they lose their job. Then you have to cover all the shared bills until they get back on their feet. Then you have to keep track of all of those months that they “owe” you.
Or you could be a nice spouse and forgive what they “owe” you, because technically you’re married, and they don’t “owe” you anything considering you are a TEAM!
The second option is probably more for the nerds out there, like me. That would be splitting everything based on the percentage of income that you bring in. For example, the first spouse brings in 65% of the income and the other brings 35%. So, you split everything 65/35. Because if you’re separating your finances, but sharing expenses is it really fair to split everything 50/50 if one spouse makes more money?
Then you have to recalculate percentages when you either get a raise or lose a job. Which would reduce your partner “owing” you if they lose their job.
…Or you could have one spouse pay for one set of bills and the other pay for another set of bills…
Man, that gave me a headache just typing out SOME of the possible ways to do separate finances.
Now let’s look at the simple version –
You have a shared household income that funds your shared home, shared expenses, and shared lifestyle.
Simple, right?
One account pays for one set of bills and funds one set of shared goals.
That was way easier to type!
Strong Sense of Unity
Here’s the beautiful part about married couples combining their finances.
When you combine your spending, and you both agree on your spending;
Then you’re in agreement about what your future looks like with your spouse.
Which means you and your spouse are moving in the same direction.
When you do all of that, you create a level of unity in your marriage and a level of communication that you just cannot do with any other subject.
Increased Ability to Handle Life’s Curveballs
If you went down my rabbit hole of separate finances in the “Keeping it Simple” section, then you saw the part about lifestyle changes. I used the example of COVID causing one spouse to lose their job. There are so many examples that I could use on the curveballs that life throws at you.
But I don’t want to go off on another tangent.
Marriages are all about supporting each other, especially in times of need or just change.
Not all of life’s curveballs will be bad, but they will be adjustments that you and your spouse will need to face together.
When you combine finances and share assets in your marriage, you set your team up to be better prepared for events that require extra financial assistance. You’re more flexible to deal with these changes because your risk and reward are combined.
After reading this, I hope you reconsider your decision on whether or not to keep finances separate or combine them in your marriage. If you have any questions on combining your finances with your spouse that I did not cover, please feel free to reach out to me and we can discuss them together.
Don’t forget, you are a team. And sometimes you need to fight for your team. Sometimes you have to be pushed outside your comfort zone for your team. Sometimes you just need to be vulnerable and communicate for your team. Whatever it is that you need to do, do it for your team!
Follow along for more tips on how to handle your finances!
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